Sometimes we wish for stuff that we imagine is within our reach but the moment our need for that becomes strong we realise that we were being sill, childish and immature in thinking that we could have it.. but by then the thoughts of that thing/person are so strong that its hard to even think about what it would be like if it did nt turn out the way we imagined..

These are the moments in which our faith and our believes help us.. the thought that there is some higher being looking out for me is comforting..

I do pray what I am hoping for comes true and if the odds prevail and I end up empty handed in that regard, God, give me the strength to move on..!!!

the only thing i did wrong was that i did what i was told to do!!!

khair i know if i m in some istuation i obviously have the power to get out of it..

and i wish i could let it all out for a change!!!

i m sick of keeping it all in.. it just keeps pilling up

mayb its the december blues.. but i m still sure that i can handle this!

all i need is something to focus on.

sometimes we do things and have this idea that those are the right things

but actually we are just complicating stuff even more than before

when i was doing all that i knew that was the way but now i cant find the reason for me to do it

there could have been a 100 different ways

i ended it well.. or atleast right now i think i did..

but i dont know if everything is okay even now..

i just trust you so much Allah.. i know You will make everything great for me..

i would nt have to worry about a thing.. but plz plz plz, till then give me peace!!!!

4th august

i m so tired of everything n everyone around me
i just want things to stop
y cant i catch up to the world
btw i dun want to walk wid the world
i just want to b more aware of my surroundings n stuff thatz happening
uggggggggghhhhhhhh
i simply hate all this
yes.. i mean HATE
well i just hope everything turns out ok
not just for me but for everyone
:)

a simple life
no issues
just plain small day to day stuff
how hard can it b
i cant take all this tension and all this irritating attitude
i just let ppl b like this to me forever
mayb amnaz right
i m a door mat
ppl can just walk all over me
they have the guts to do it and then they dont even realise i dun like it
who would
i dunno what i will do in life
my sight,my vision
everything gets blurred
and i hate snapping
i snapped at my own frndz coz they were irritating me
i hate all this so much

i want all this to be over
just want to get things out of my mind
get over stuff
accept ppl for what they r like
stop expecting from ppl
but no matter how much i want to do all this
i can never ever manage to do all this
my life is all in twists n keeps turning round
i want just one person who can understand all this
n b there for me
u know just once i would love to have someone asking me time n again what the problem is
n someone i can trust wid my problems
:(

earthquake
jsut a few minutes ago
its scary
and specially when u r sitting inside a glass building and on the 2nd floor
Allah keep us all safe
ameen

27th july

some problem with our log-ins
cant work
bored out of my skin
one frnd on leave
the second is with her team
all alone
miss home
just want stop everything n run away

how did i ever get this stupid??
y cant i make up my mind regarding my own life??
is it that hard?
if it is, trhen howcome everyone else is doing it??
i know for sure i m not dumb.. then y do i loose all my senses when they r required the most
y cant i just think straight??

and anither thing on my mind:
y cant i every control my emotions??
what is wrong with me??
y cant i like,dislike ppl whenever i want to?
y cant i socialise whenever i want to?
my ppl skills cant b this weak

how do i get out of this phase?
what do i have to do?
and if i knew what i had to do, would i b able to do it?

y m i so confused??
now thatz the billion dollar question!!!!

23rd july

had a frnd who passed away a while ago
v were never that close
but i miss her so much
she was a realllllllly nice n sweet person
u know, ppl who can never be replaced
who have ambitions
who like doing stuff for other
and who just happen to do the right things
she was all that and alot more
May Allah bless her forever
pata what makes me feel good about her lfie even more??
she found someone who loved her like anything
unconditional and never ending
and she gave him alot more in return
just a few months after their wedding she died
the pain of her husband is so terrible even in my imagination
the thought of ur "someone" dieing just months after being together with them
the horror is so much
sometimes i fail to realise the lesson in all this
but GOD always knows better than us all
its just so hard to think about

please, whoever reads this.. do pray for her

sometimes the standard of "FUNNY" for ppl crosses my tolerance level
and ppl get so irritating
i cant stand them at that moment
well.. i cant help feeling bad
i am a human, are nt i??
y is that so hard to understand??

how is it that i end up having frndz ppl like alot more than me??
i m nt jealous, i m just curious.. everytime??
school, college,neighbourhood.. how??
well its just a fact that i have noticed..
and as long as i can live with it, i m ok.
honestly, i m nt that nice a person myself.

sometimes it feels like i really have to lean on someone
tell them everything i feel
everything that worries me
all the things weighting me down, keeping me miserably n ungrateful
but where do i find that someone
y cant ppl see past my "anti-social" appearance
i just want someone to stick it through n earn my trust
i have done it for other ppl, y cant someone do that for me??
you know what, sometimes i want a "classic movie" romance
someone so crazy about me that i dun have to think abt what i do or say when i m wid that someone
but ppl today are just so patience-less
they just cant wait
:S
well, i am waiting for someone to come n take me away from all this
n praying for that someone to b he right one as well

i am tired
but i m happy
i have learned new things
the biggest being happy even when i dont fell like it

o and yesssssssssss..
my darling hero in my fav drama is going through so much
:(
i hate seeing him like that
:)
i m creepy

closing at the office
bound to b tiring and ..... LATE SITTING

:S

well atleast now it will be over
i will be on the bed an hr after i get home
would rest all i can

:)

have to prepare myself coz i will b bored out of my mind for the next few days

norwegien ppl!!! plz hear my plea and scan the next batches realllllllllllllll soon

:P

:)

just saw a few other blogs
came across such sweet beautiful ones
cant believe i m such a ungrateful person
well, i have learned (in a few minutes) that somewhere someone is in an even worse situation
so i will pray for others now n try thinking of my own troubles as small n "manageable"
which is kind of hard
see, the fact is that i need someone to lean on, someone to protect me n worry about me.
at a crowded place i just want someone to be there wid me
whom i can trust
well i can hope n keep praying for the right ppl to walk into my life or else i dun wany anyone else who hurts me
:)
m happy now
n praying for the little boy who had an accident

i feel like i m in the wizard of oz
i m dorothy
so far from home
ppl who love me n care for me
in a cruel n cold world
with friends who r looking for answers
just want to go back home
b wid my ppl
but whenever i go home i cant stop thinking about when i will ave to go back again
i m scared
but i dont think i m as strong as dorothy
wat if i get lost n can never ever go home..??
ppl scare me, places scare me, situations scare me..
what will i ever do
what if my "wizard of oz" will never end wid me living wid my ppl, my family forever
and what if i dont get there??
everything confuses me
ppl, their behavior, what they say, everything contradicts
:S
i cant get it
y does everything have to be confusing
i just want a simple world
:)
miss u mama abu
ALOTTTTTTTTTTT

???

sometimes I think of how perfect this time is n then just one thing thats mising makes everything else vague n so nt clear
my time has not been this good, all because of Allah, but i dunno y i cant get over the fact that nobody gets eveyrthing in life ..
bus plz plz let me get over this stupid dumb ungrateful feeling..
i cant b like this
:(

office today seems boring
even though my frnd came after a day off (she was nt well)
but the thing is i dun socialise n the even bigger fact is that "I CANT SOCIALISE"
now thatz out n upfront
that does nt make me sad
i could sit alone n spend my time by myself
but when ppl keep telling u nt to stay alone but still dun try HARDER to get me involved then i get upset..
ppl if u have such an issue wid me being alone then u should try to b wid me n dun expect it to b the other way around

:S

sometimes things seem so obvious but they r nt.. u like someone n they turn out to b real idiots.. but that could b because i m wrong.. i dun get stuff like this. how can ppl b such hypocrites.. or mayb i m making judgements based on someone else's experiences.. but is nt that what smart ppl do?? "learn from other pl's experiences instead of getting killed trying to cross a busy road just to get one's own experience".. and then observation tells u alot.. but what troules me is that i might b wrong in my observation n my judgement.