27th july

some problem with our log-ins
cant work
bored out of my skin
one frnd on leave
the second is with her team
all alone
miss home
just want stop everything n run away

how did i ever get this stupid??
y cant i make up my mind regarding my own life??
is it that hard?
if it is, trhen howcome everyone else is doing it??
i know for sure i m not dumb.. then y do i loose all my senses when they r required the most
y cant i just think straight??

and anither thing on my mind:
y cant i every control my emotions??
what is wrong with me??
y cant i like,dislike ppl whenever i want to?
y cant i socialise whenever i want to?
my ppl skills cant b this weak

how do i get out of this phase?
what do i have to do?
and if i knew what i had to do, would i b able to do it?

y m i so confused??
now thatz the billion dollar question!!!!

23rd july

had a frnd who passed away a while ago
v were never that close
but i miss her so much
she was a realllllllly nice n sweet person
u know, ppl who can never be replaced
who have ambitions
who like doing stuff for other
and who just happen to do the right things
she was all that and alot more
May Allah bless her forever
pata what makes me feel good about her lfie even more??
she found someone who loved her like anything
unconditional and never ending
and she gave him alot more in return
just a few months after their wedding she died
the pain of her husband is so terrible even in my imagination
the thought of ur "someone" dieing just months after being together with them
the horror is so much
sometimes i fail to realise the lesson in all this
but GOD always knows better than us all
its just so hard to think about

please, whoever reads this.. do pray for her

sometimes the standard of "FUNNY" for ppl crosses my tolerance level
and ppl get so irritating
i cant stand them at that moment
well.. i cant help feeling bad
i am a human, are nt i??
y is that so hard to understand??

how is it that i end up having frndz ppl like alot more than me??
i m nt jealous, i m just curious.. everytime??
school, college,neighbourhood.. how??
well its just a fact that i have noticed..
and as long as i can live with it, i m ok.
honestly, i m nt that nice a person myself.

sometimes it feels like i really have to lean on someone
tell them everything i feel
everything that worries me
all the things weighting me down, keeping me miserably n ungrateful
but where do i find that someone
y cant ppl see past my "anti-social" appearance
i just want someone to stick it through n earn my trust
i have done it for other ppl, y cant someone do that for me??
you know what, sometimes i want a "classic movie" romance
someone so crazy about me that i dun have to think abt what i do or say when i m wid that someone
but ppl today are just so patience-less
they just cant wait
:S
well, i am waiting for someone to come n take me away from all this
n praying for that someone to b he right one as well

i am tired
but i m happy
i have learned new things
the biggest being happy even when i dont fell like it

o and yesssssssssss..
my darling hero in my fav drama is going through so much
:(
i hate seeing him like that
:)
i m creepy