Monday, June 29, 2009

i am tired
but i m happy
i have learned new things
the biggest being happy even when i dont fell like it

o and yesssssssssss..
my darling hero in my fav drama is going through so much
i hate seeing him like that
i m creepy

Sunday, June 28, 2009

closing at the office
bound to b tiring and ..... LATE SITTING


well atleast now it will be over
i will be on the bed an hr after i get home
would rest all i can


have to prepare myself coz i will b bored out of my mind for the next few days

norwegien ppl!!! plz hear my plea and scan the next batches realllllllllllllll soon


Thursday, June 25, 2009


just saw a few other blogs
came across such sweet beautiful ones
cant believe i m such a ungrateful person
well, i have learned (in a few minutes) that somewhere someone is in an even worse situation
so i will pray for others now n try thinking of my own troubles as small n "manageable"
which is kind of hard
see, the fact is that i need someone to lean on, someone to protect me n worry about me.
at a crowded place i just want someone to be there wid me
whom i can trust
well i can hope n keep praying for the right ppl to walk into my life or else i dun wany anyone else who hurts me
m happy now
n praying for the little boy who had an accident
i feel like i m in the wizard of oz
i m dorothy
so far from home
ppl who love me n care for me
in a cruel n cold world
with friends who r looking for answers
just want to go back home
b wid my ppl
but whenever i go home i cant stop thinking about when i will ave to go back again
i m scared
but i dont think i m as strong as dorothy
wat if i get lost n can never ever go home..??
ppl scare me, places scare me, situations scare me..
what will i ever do
what if my "wizard of oz" will never end wid me living wid my ppl, my family forever
and what if i dont get there??
everything confuses me
ppl, their behavior, what they say, everything contradicts
i cant get it
y does everything have to be confusing
i just want a simple world
miss u mama abu

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


sometimes I think of how perfect this time is n then just one thing thats mising makes everything else vague n so nt clear
my time has not been this good, all because of Allah, but i dunno y i cant get over the fact that nobody gets eveyrthing in life ..
bus plz plz let me get over this stupid dumb ungrateful feeling..
i cant b like this

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

office today seems boring
even though my frnd came after a day off (she was nt well)
but the thing is i dun socialise n the even bigger fact is that "I CANT SOCIALISE"
now thatz out n upfront
that does nt make me sad
i could sit alone n spend my time by myself
but when ppl keep telling u nt to stay alone but still dun try HARDER to get me involved then i get upset..
ppl if u have such an issue wid me being alone then u should try to b wid me n dun expect it to b the other way around


sometimes things seem so obvious but they r nt.. u like someone n they turn out to b real idiots.. but that could b because i m wrong.. i dun get stuff like this. how can ppl b such hypocrites.. or mayb i m making judgements based on someone else's experiences.. but is nt that what smart ppl do?? "learn from other pl's experiences instead of getting killed trying to cross a busy road just to get one's own experience".. and then observation tells u alot.. but what troules me is that i might b wrong in my observation n my judgement.


sometimes i wonder what it would have been like if everything was all normal and ok and ppl were nice and considerate n all
y do v have to live in a world so wrong, realise the fact that it is wrong and still keep living in it??and y ,then, do v keep doing the wrong things if v know they r wrong??
y do v think if v do something wrong, some lame excuse can make it right?? y is nt realisation enough??
if i could i would have changed this imperfect world.. but then it would have been according to my wishes and even they might have been wrong..!!!
mayb what i think is right is actually wrong
things keep confusing me
sometimes i cant understand things and at other times i think i think a lil too much and take the wrong conclusion
i sometimes hate ppl coz i cant hae them.. i am imperfect and i think the world is imperfect
mayb two imperfections might end up making a terribly imperfect situation..
but i dun want that.. and still i dun have any idea as to how to b perfect or even to give "being perfect" a shot..
is life so confusing for everyone??sometimes when i see different ppl in different places i wonder what life for them s like..
the thought that life for some ppl might b perfect is so wrong but i cant help thinking about it
i m one confused person

long time

have been so happy for so long
knew it was nt going to last
waisay b bad times make one stronger
the thing is that i make mistakes
but who does nt??
and i, being a human, do not like it whne someone tells me that i ve done something wrong
its ok
i can accept it
but just feel so .... awful
i never tell ppl they r wrong
then y do ppl keep telling others??
well everything is not perfect in this world
i m going to have to learn to deal with it

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

my parenst r going to b home this time tmrw inshaAllah

today at the office there was this med team taking blood samples for hepatitas (or however it is spelled)
just came from there.
no matter how many times i go for blood tests, it stil freaks me out
cant stop shaking n my face says it all
but i find it kind of funny aftewards..
hope everything is ok
coz my dad my brother n my api had this disease in the past 2 yrs
hope i dun have it
its so... disgusting
well work work work
workshop tmrw..
cant seem to find time to rest
m still sleepy n tired
well i will sleep like crazy on the wekend

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

day did nt start off real well at the office
then again this is what happens most of the times
just hope my day goes great
coz i sooooo cant handle bad things right now


hectic routine n crazy busy nites
cant even sleep before 1
waiting like anything for my mama abu to come back
enojoying work but a lil worried that i might not be top performer this month
well have to give other ppl a chance :)
just feel like sleeping for days
n feeling funny abt the workshop on fri
"safety for women"
i so need to learn all that
but it will b kind of funny
i just hope i dont get nervous like always

Friday, June 5, 2009

5th june

no idea how this day is going to end
started off good
then a fight wid a frnd
then blurting it out in front of a few ppl
n then those ppl telling other ppl
n then me n my fend talking again
then me ditching my frnd again
no idea what i have just done n y
but its kind of messed up
n the worst part
loads of work
and i dun even want to work today

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

the main highlight was the fact that i got back at someone(one of the two girls i dun get along wid at the office)
itz like this: a lil while ago, i accidently did a lil work that was assigned to one of the TWO.. n she was like all that was mine that was mine.. khair yesterday my team leader told me to do something and while i was doing it that girl was like "just for ur info, this was assigned to me" i did nt do anything abt it and just told my team leader if this was our batch.. n that girl had to hear it frm her team leader
serves her right for trying to be my boss
well i do feel bad
coz i had nt intended tha for her

ok work calls

4th june

yesterday was one freakish day
firstly, i had to stay late
which is SO not me
i usually finish my work before evryone else n then enjoy the feeling
but yesterday.... well i had to stay late n even then i finished last
it was coz of the quality of work v recieved and also due to the fact that i was a lil lazy n so not in the mood for working
wellleft office aroung 9 pm
then had to share a company car with 3 other girls
2 had to b dropped before me
n i dun really get along with those two very well
funny situation
the thrid one was from another branch so i did nt know her
well got home n then had to leave again coz i had to get groceries for home
n then i had to help out with dinner and then my phupoo was here had to give her time
so i slept late
but woke up widout a headache today
hope i have a good day at the office

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

still waiting for work to begin at my end
everybody else seems to be doing something
i am so not good at spending my free time at the office
thats why i like working so much
what i was thinking about right now is that where will i end up
u know in the longer run
nt as long as 10 yrs or something
like 2-4 yrs
where will i be
i dun think i can continue a job at this position for another yr
i need to grow in my profession n if thats nt going to happen here i will change my job or something
i have such big plans
sometimes i worry if i will even b alive to see them through
well everything will unfold with time
i just hope "very" bad things dont happen to me
i can handle bad but very bad is a lil hard to handle
well hoping the best for everyone
n missing my parents alot

3rd June 2009

everyday is a new realisation these days
i read somewhere that "all ppl want is someone who can listen"
n when i m there to listen they might take me for granted
n itz nt their fault (atleast nt all of it)
itz my own fault as well
i dun remember ever telling someone that i have enough on my plate kindly keep ur stuff to urself
i m there to help..n i like it this way
well then y should i ever feel bad
ppl do have good n bad days
that does nt mean they r "100% good" or "100% bad"
i keep taking things the wrong way
n yea.. i got a call frm someone frm the office asking abt my qualificatons n experience yesterday
i hope it was related to promotion and that i do get promoted
i m so not gonna stay stuck in the twisted situation for long
i m gonna et over it and move on
atleast i will try

corrections to the last one

i m so angry at some ppl i cant even spell right :)
*biased TOWARDS me

i hope there is nothing wrong with the last post now

2nd june

everything is so freaking messed up
if someone had told me what pl can b like 6 months ago i would have said "noway.. mayb u r taking it in the wrong perspecive"
but now i can expect anything frm ppl
God!!! they pretend to b ur frnds n then use u n u cant even do anything abt it
if only i could learn to say NO :S
and on top of that i think some ppl r being biased against me
but then again i might b wrong
GOD!!!! i am in a whirlpool of confuson right now
have no idea what to do or where to go or who to talk to
this blog place is the best place to say stuff i cant say to ppl