Tuesday, December 22, 2009

the only thing i did wrong was that i did what i was told to do!!!

khair i know if i m in some istuation i obviously have the power to get out of it..

and i wish i could let it all out for a change!!!

i m sick of keeping it all in.. it just keeps pilling up

mayb its the december blues.. but i m still sure that i can handle this!

all i need is something to focus on.
sometimes we do things and have this idea that those are the right things

but actually we are just complicating stuff even more than before

when i was doing all that i knew that was the way but now i cant find the reason for me to do it

there could have been a 100 different ways

i ended it well.. or atleast right now i think i did..

but i dont know if everything is okay even now..

i just trust you so much Allah.. i know You will make everything great for me..

i would nt have to worry about a thing.. but plz plz plz, till then give me peace!!!!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

4th august

i m so tired of everything n everyone around me
i just want things to stop
y cant i catch up to the world
btw i dun want to walk wid the world
i just want to b more aware of my surroundings n stuff thatz happening
i simply hate all this
yes.. i mean HATE
well i just hope everything turns out ok
not just for me but for everyone

Friday, July 31, 2009

a simple life
no issues
just plain small day to day stuff
how hard can it b
i cant take all this tension and all this irritating attitude
i just let ppl b like this to me forever
mayb amnaz right
i m a door mat
ppl can just walk all over me
they have the guts to do it and then they dont even realise i dun like it
who would
i dunno what i will do in life
my sight,my vision
everything gets blurred
and i hate snapping
i snapped at my own frndz coz they were irritating me
i hate all this so much
i want all this to be over
just want to get things out of my mind
get over stuff
accept ppl for what they r like
stop expecting from ppl
but no matter how much i want to do all this
i can never ever manage to do all this
my life is all in twists n keeps turning round
i want just one person who can understand all this
n b there for me
u know just once i would love to have someone asking me time n again what the problem is
n someone i can trust wid my problems

Sunday, July 26, 2009

jsut a few minutes ago
its scary
and specially when u r sitting inside a glass building and on the 2nd floor
Allah keep us all safe

27th july

some problem with our log-ins
cant work
bored out of my skin
one frnd on leave
the second is with her team
all alone
miss home
just want stop everything n run away

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

how did i ever get this stupid??
y cant i make up my mind regarding my own life??
is it that hard?
if it is, trhen howcome everyone else is doing it??
i know for sure i m not dumb.. then y do i loose all my senses when they r required the most
y cant i just think straight??

and anither thing on my mind:
y cant i every control my emotions??
what is wrong with me??
y cant i like,dislike ppl whenever i want to?
y cant i socialise whenever i want to?
my ppl skills cant b this weak

how do i get out of this phase?
what do i have to do?
and if i knew what i had to do, would i b able to do it?

y m i so confused??
now thatz the billion dollar question!!!!

23rd july

had a frnd who passed away a while ago
v were never that close
but i miss her so much
she was a realllllllly nice n sweet person
u know, ppl who can never be replaced
who have ambitions
who like doing stuff for other
and who just happen to do the right things
she was all that and alot more
May Allah bless her forever
pata what makes me feel good about her lfie even more??
she found someone who loved her like anything
unconditional and never ending
and she gave him alot more in return
just a few months after their wedding she died
the pain of her husband is so terrible even in my imagination
the thought of ur "someone" dieing just months after being together with them
the horror is so much
sometimes i fail to realise the lesson in all this
but GOD always knows better than us all
its just so hard to think about

please, whoever reads this.. do pray for her

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

sometimes the standard of "FUNNY" for ppl crosses my tolerance level
and ppl get so irritating
i cant stand them at that moment
well.. i cant help feeling bad
i am a human, are nt i??
y is that so hard to understand??

Thursday, July 16, 2009

how is it that i end up having frndz ppl like alot more than me??
i m nt jealous, i m just curious.. everytime??
school, college,neighbourhood.. how??
well its just a fact that i have noticed..
and as long as i can live with it, i m ok.
honestly, i m nt that nice a person myself.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

sometimes it feels like i really have to lean on someone
tell them everything i feel
everything that worries me
all the things weighting me down, keeping me miserably n ungrateful
but where do i find that someone
y cant ppl see past my "anti-social" appearance
i just want someone to stick it through n earn my trust
i have done it for other ppl, y cant someone do that for me??
you know what, sometimes i want a "classic movie" romance
someone so crazy about me that i dun have to think abt what i do or say when i m wid that someone
but ppl today are just so patience-less
they just cant wait
well, i am waiting for someone to come n take me away from all this
n praying for that someone to b he right one as well

Monday, June 29, 2009

i am tired
but i m happy
i have learned new things
the biggest being happy even when i dont fell like it

o and yesssssssssss..
my darling hero in my fav drama is going through so much
i hate seeing him like that
i m creepy

Sunday, June 28, 2009

closing at the office
bound to b tiring and ..... LATE SITTING


well atleast now it will be over
i will be on the bed an hr after i get home
would rest all i can


have to prepare myself coz i will b bored out of my mind for the next few days

norwegien ppl!!! plz hear my plea and scan the next batches realllllllllllllll soon


Thursday, June 25, 2009


just saw a few other blogs
came across such sweet beautiful ones
cant believe i m such a ungrateful person
well, i have learned (in a few minutes) that somewhere someone is in an even worse situation
so i will pray for others now n try thinking of my own troubles as small n "manageable"
which is kind of hard
see, the fact is that i need someone to lean on, someone to protect me n worry about me.
at a crowded place i just want someone to be there wid me
whom i can trust
well i can hope n keep praying for the right ppl to walk into my life or else i dun wany anyone else who hurts me
m happy now
n praying for the little boy who had an accident
i feel like i m in the wizard of oz
i m dorothy
so far from home
ppl who love me n care for me
in a cruel n cold world
with friends who r looking for answers
just want to go back home
b wid my ppl
but whenever i go home i cant stop thinking about when i will ave to go back again
i m scared
but i dont think i m as strong as dorothy
wat if i get lost n can never ever go home..??
ppl scare me, places scare me, situations scare me..
what will i ever do
what if my "wizard of oz" will never end wid me living wid my ppl, my family forever
and what if i dont get there??
everything confuses me
ppl, their behavior, what they say, everything contradicts
i cant get it
y does everything have to be confusing
i just want a simple world
miss u mama abu

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


sometimes I think of how perfect this time is n then just one thing thats mising makes everything else vague n so nt clear
my time has not been this good, all because of Allah, but i dunno y i cant get over the fact that nobody gets eveyrthing in life ..
bus plz plz let me get over this stupid dumb ungrateful feeling..
i cant b like this

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

office today seems boring
even though my frnd came after a day off (she was nt well)
but the thing is i dun socialise n the even bigger fact is that "I CANT SOCIALISE"
now thatz out n upfront
that does nt make me sad
i could sit alone n spend my time by myself
but when ppl keep telling u nt to stay alone but still dun try HARDER to get me involved then i get upset..
ppl if u have such an issue wid me being alone then u should try to b wid me n dun expect it to b the other way around


sometimes things seem so obvious but they r nt.. u like someone n they turn out to b real idiots.. but that could b because i m wrong.. i dun get stuff like this. how can ppl b such hypocrites.. or mayb i m making judgements based on someone else's experiences.. but is nt that what smart ppl do?? "learn from other pl's experiences instead of getting killed trying to cross a busy road just to get one's own experience".. and then observation tells u alot.. but what troules me is that i might b wrong in my observation n my judgement.


sometimes i wonder what it would have been like if everything was all normal and ok and ppl were nice and considerate n all
y do v have to live in a world so wrong, realise the fact that it is wrong and still keep living in it??and y ,then, do v keep doing the wrong things if v know they r wrong??
y do v think if v do something wrong, some lame excuse can make it right?? y is nt realisation enough??
if i could i would have changed this imperfect world.. but then it would have been according to my wishes and even they might have been wrong..!!!
mayb what i think is right is actually wrong
things keep confusing me
sometimes i cant understand things and at other times i think i think a lil too much and take the wrong conclusion
i sometimes hate ppl coz i cant hae them.. i am imperfect and i think the world is imperfect
mayb two imperfections might end up making a terribly imperfect situation..
but i dun want that.. and still i dun have any idea as to how to b perfect or even to give "being perfect" a shot..
is life so confusing for everyone??sometimes when i see different ppl in different places i wonder what life for them s like..
the thought that life for some ppl might b perfect is so wrong but i cant help thinking about it
i m one confused person

long time

have been so happy for so long
knew it was nt going to last
waisay b bad times make one stronger
the thing is that i make mistakes
but who does nt??
and i, being a human, do not like it whne someone tells me that i ve done something wrong
its ok
i can accept it
but just feel so .... awful
i never tell ppl they r wrong
then y do ppl keep telling others??
well everything is not perfect in this world
i m going to have to learn to deal with it

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

my parenst r going to b home this time tmrw inshaAllah

today at the office there was this med team taking blood samples for hepatitas (or however it is spelled)
just came from there.
no matter how many times i go for blood tests, it stil freaks me out
cant stop shaking n my face says it all
but i find it kind of funny aftewards..
hope everything is ok
coz my dad my brother n my api had this disease in the past 2 yrs
hope i dun have it
its so... disgusting
well work work work
workshop tmrw..
cant seem to find time to rest
m still sleepy n tired
well i will sleep like crazy on the wekend

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

day did nt start off real well at the office
then again this is what happens most of the times
just hope my day goes great
coz i sooooo cant handle bad things right now


hectic routine n crazy busy nites
cant even sleep before 1
waiting like anything for my mama abu to come back
enojoying work but a lil worried that i might not be top performer this month
well have to give other ppl a chance :)
just feel like sleeping for days
n feeling funny abt the workshop on fri
"safety for women"
i so need to learn all that
but it will b kind of funny
i just hope i dont get nervous like always

Friday, June 5, 2009

5th june

no idea how this day is going to end
started off good
then a fight wid a frnd
then blurting it out in front of a few ppl
n then those ppl telling other ppl
n then me n my fend talking again
then me ditching my frnd again
no idea what i have just done n y
but its kind of messed up
n the worst part
loads of work
and i dun even want to work today

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

the main highlight was the fact that i got back at someone(one of the two girls i dun get along wid at the office)
itz like this: a lil while ago, i accidently did a lil work that was assigned to one of the TWO.. n she was like all that was mine that was mine.. khair yesterday my team leader told me to do something and while i was doing it that girl was like "just for ur info, this was assigned to me" i did nt do anything abt it and just told my team leader if this was our batch.. n that girl had to hear it frm her team leader
serves her right for trying to be my boss
well i do feel bad
coz i had nt intended tha for her

ok work calls

4th june

yesterday was one freakish day
firstly, i had to stay late
which is SO not me
i usually finish my work before evryone else n then enjoy the feeling
but yesterday.... well i had to stay late n even then i finished last
it was coz of the quality of work v recieved and also due to the fact that i was a lil lazy n so not in the mood for working
wellleft office aroung 9 pm
then had to share a company car with 3 other girls
2 had to b dropped before me
n i dun really get along with those two very well
funny situation
the thrid one was from another branch so i did nt know her
well got home n then had to leave again coz i had to get groceries for home
n then i had to help out with dinner and then my phupoo was here had to give her time
so i slept late
but woke up widout a headache today
hope i have a good day at the office

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

still waiting for work to begin at my end
everybody else seems to be doing something
i am so not good at spending my free time at the office
thats why i like working so much
what i was thinking about right now is that where will i end up
u know in the longer run
nt as long as 10 yrs or something
like 2-4 yrs
where will i be
i dun think i can continue a job at this position for another yr
i need to grow in my profession n if thats nt going to happen here i will change my job or something
i have such big plans
sometimes i worry if i will even b alive to see them through
well everything will unfold with time
i just hope "very" bad things dont happen to me
i can handle bad but very bad is a lil hard to handle
well hoping the best for everyone
n missing my parents alot

3rd June 2009

everyday is a new realisation these days
i read somewhere that "all ppl want is someone who can listen"
n when i m there to listen they might take me for granted
n itz nt their fault (atleast nt all of it)
itz my own fault as well
i dun remember ever telling someone that i have enough on my plate kindly keep ur stuff to urself
i m there to help..n i like it this way
well then y should i ever feel bad
ppl do have good n bad days
that does nt mean they r "100% good" or "100% bad"
i keep taking things the wrong way
n yea.. i got a call frm someone frm the office asking abt my qualificatons n experience yesterday
i hope it was related to promotion and that i do get promoted
i m so not gonna stay stuck in the twisted situation for long
i m gonna et over it and move on
atleast i will try

corrections to the last one

i m so angry at some ppl i cant even spell right :)
*biased TOWARDS me

i hope there is nothing wrong with the last post now

2nd june

everything is so freaking messed up
if someone had told me what pl can b like 6 months ago i would have said "noway.. mayb u r taking it in the wrong perspecive"
but now i can expect anything frm ppl
God!!! they pretend to b ur frnds n then use u n u cant even do anything abt it
if only i could learn to say NO :S
and on top of that i think some ppl r being biased against me
but then again i might b wrong
GOD!!!! i am in a whirlpool of confuson right now
have no idea what to do or where to go or who to talk to
this blog place is the best place to say stuff i cant say to ppl

Sunday, May 31, 2009

after closing, we were supposed to be "work-free" for 2 - 3 days
but v have work today at the office and loads of it
but the weather is beautiful
cloudy n cool
so anythings bearable
monday is the hardest day of the week
and i think my headache has something to do with my office
just thinking abt my office makes my head ache
but i m just so looking forward to the next wekend again
i m so going to sleep all day
that was my plan for this week

31st may 2009

weekends are beautiful.. busy .. but beautiful..
went shopping with my eldest sis for my parent's anniversary gift..
it was on 21st but they r nt here so v r planning a surprise for them when they come back..
ordered a bed set and got a few decoration pieces..
oo i love shopping so much ..
but i m tired.. i have so much to do..
but atleast my headache is gone (nt completely)

Friday, May 29, 2009

everything keeps going from wrong to worse..
i dun have work n i have had this headache for the last 4 days..
i wanted to go home early n ppl at my office think its so "not on"
i mean what is your prob ppl
cant i go home if i dun have anything to do
i freaking hate all this "bossy" attitude things
i wish i could do something about it

Thursday, May 28, 2009

my life as it is

well,i dunno how this really works but i just thought itz a good way to get thibngs out in the open
so i think today would be a good starting pt.
yesterday ended our monthly closing,so i dun have anything to do.. nthat makes me go crazy coz i dont like being idle
what i really wanted to post was that i feel so over loaded with other people's worries that i dun have time or energy to think about my own..
n whatz worse is ppl i care abt have so many worries even they dont have time for my worries
but i understand n i can live with this
n yea.. its so hot here i just want clouds n a lil rain to brighten up my day